Deep “Yes” and Easy “No”

What does “balance” even mean? Does mean we have to pay attention to everything equally? We all dance along the continuum of doing stuff for ourselves, and doing stuff for other people, and between just being and doing. But we can get stuck and spend all our time in just one domain…

When my clients talk about feeling out-of-balance, it almost always comes from a strong investment of energy in the doing stuff for other people sphere and missing out on self-care. It is such a strong source of meaning and identity as women, to nourish everyone around us.

These are the words women use:

I need to recalibrate

I want to get back to feeling myself

I’ve lost myself

I’m burned out

When we have a look, the activities that they are finding easy to say “yes” to, are in service to the important people in their lives. And this is a deeply held value and an important source of meaning and joy.

But … when the energy gets spent all in the domain of service to others, and very rarely in the domain of being with ourselves, we get depleted. We lose our sense of ourselves. We even lose the ability to find our full-bodied YES for ourselves.

A client said it beautifully this week: I want to get to a Deep Yes to the things that make me feel like me again, and an easy No for things that deplete me.

Her practice this week is going to be planning her day with balance in mind — making sure that there are Deep Yes things in her day alongside activities for others. And starting to practice that easy No.

How many ways can we think of to say the easy No?

I am not going to be able to fit that in

Sorry, that’s not going to work for me

Unfortunately I’m not able to do that for you

What is your favourite way to say “No”?

What are you saying a Deep “Yes” to this week?