Confidence
What is it, where does it come from, what is it good for? And how can we develop it?
Confidence seems to come up almost universally in coaching conversations. I hear clients saying things like, “I want to get back in the driver’s seat”, or“I want to get better at making decisions”.
I’d define confidence as something like, “A belief in one’s ability to take action that moves us closer to the person we want to be”. It includes kindness toward our imperfections, and acceptance that our efforts won’t always have the desired outcome.
The recipe for confidence includes developing muscles in these areas:
Self-knowledge — defining our values, our strengths, our aspirations, and what our learning and support needs are
Courage — to try, to learn, to make mistakes, to be seen
Reality orientation — the ability to see, and to tolerate, what is true
Self-responsibility — taking accountability for making choices, and for the outcomes of those choices
Pragmatic hopefulness — a willingness to take some risks knowing that it won’t always work out, but that persistent effort will pay off
Decisiveness — having a framework for evaluating options and making a choice
In my life, I also use other avenues into confidence. Joyful, exuberant and pleasurable movement — like dancing. Music — I’ve got many, many hype tracks. Nudity for full-bodied appreciation and banishing shame. Vibrant, dopamine-triggering dressing — if you see me in very colourful clothes, it might mean that I needed extra confidence jolt that day. Journalling, including what I’m appreciating, what I’m learning, and acknowledging successes. Creative writing including poetry and songwriting, to work through difficult experiences and reactions.
These are muscles and practices we work on in coaching. A cool outcome from coaching is that clients say, not only did they meet their initial goals, but they now have increased confidence in tackling other juicy challenges in life.
Being more confident translates into taking more skillful action, with more consistency, over a sustained period of time, that gets you closer and closer to your deepest, best version of yourself. Confidence is also contagious — your confidence spills over into your relationships at home and at work, and creates an environment where we can learn and grow together.
That’s my mission — to enable more and more confident sassy women who unleash their radical self-accepting, abundant, courageous, ambitious, powerful, healing, juicy, shame-free selves on the world!
What do you think? What makes you feel confident?
