The Power of And … And
This is a story about how I apply coaching principles in my own life. It’s the curious approach – how are my values, goals and beliefs changing? What still fits, and what needs to evolve? What would more values-aligned brave action look like? What would I be doing, if I KNEW that it was safe to be my full self?
If you listened in to Episode 2 of The Deep Yes, you will have heard Vic and I talk about language tools. And … And is one of my favourite tools I’ve learned from Vic, and this story is about how I’m applying And … And as a way of breaking up with some limited thinking.
I’ve spent a lot of energy developing a friendliness toward my body. Trying to disrupt a way of seeing my body that found her deficient. Shameful. Embarrassing.
This friendliness also included defending against other people’s real and imagined reactions to my body.
This allowed me to take part in life. To do things I like to do, like go to yoga class, go dancing, or stand on stage, where my body may have been the largest in the room.
Those of you who have known me for a while, know that I lost weight in 2020 and have kept it off since. Counter-intuitively, one of the most vulnerable things a bigger-bodied person can do, is lose weight. It requires you to admit to yourself that you would like there to be change. And the well-intentioned cheerleading from others can reinforce how valued thinness is.
When I reached a natural plateau, I thought, okay this is my new normal. This is a body that is strong and workable and does most of the stuff I ask of her. I felt more energy and liked how I looked in the mirror. Good stuff.
What I’m aware of now, though, is that I had boxed myself into a corner where acceptance = no change. Where positivity = not allowing myself to want anything different.
And I am actually ready to ask more and to want more. To be more ambitious. I would like to be stronger and fitter. I would like to be able to climb more mountains, go on more Great Walks, run farther.
I no longer need padding and protection from other people – their expectations or judgments. I am more willing to disappoint, to confound, to contradict. To stand in my own space instead of needing to manage everyone else’s.
So I am adding in some new ways of thinking. Friendliness AND curiosity – what fuel and movement serves me best right now? AND accountability – what are the outcomes from my actions? AND flexibility – how are my needs and desires changing? What can I do to adapt?
And I am doubling down on my core beliefs. I value meaning and courage and lifelong growth and learning. I value self-responsibility – refraining from doing things that contribute to my own suffering. I value connection and having the energy and ability to participate and contribute in community.
So yeah – I am ready to embark on this next chapter, to want more and ask more of myself.
Drop me a line and let me know what lands for you.
May you be happy
May you be safe
May you be free
May you know peace.
Xx Heather
