The Circle
Matteo Badini
I’ve been digesting some lovely, thoughtful feedback from our Retreat. One of our participants said something she really appreciated was learning
“how to get through when you are at the bottom of the circle”.
This metaphor of a circle came from a discussion we had around the fire in the lounge – six women, in a safe space to explore, talking about growing in our ability to accept difficult thoughts and feelings and experiences. And about how that acceptance can lead to feeling more fully ourselves.
I introduced the metaphor of a circle. At the top of the circle are our peak experiences. The exuberant emotions, the triumphs, the harvesting of our hard work, the creative flow where songs, solutions, books and art emerge into the world. The summer day when skin is accepting the warmth of the sun, our tongues are tasting the ripe tomato, and the flowers scent the air. The out breath when the body can just BE, open and relaxed.
The bottom of the circle is where we find the troughs of life. The not-knowing place. The will-it-ever-come-right place. The time BEFORE the new idea, the solution, the hope arises. The time when we are noticing the gap between how we would like it to be, and how it is. The winter when it is grey and cold and we are shrinking into ourselves to take refuge and try to find comfort.
We all prefer the top of the circle. But what if we could remember, that our peak experiences always contain the bottom-of-the-circle moments? And what if we could remember, in the tenderness of the bottom of the circle, that the seeds for flow, creation and love are also present?
The song that came from heartbreak. The solution that came from acute awareness of suffering. The harvest that came from ground being allowed to be fallow, looking barren even when seeds are beginning to activate underground. From seeing what was, and working to provide what was needed, to set the conditions for growth.
This morning I had a bottom-of-the-circle moment, where I had a choice between avoidance or acceptance. It was a moment of disappointment. Of noticing a gap between what I was wanting, and what was on offer.
I noticed my urge to rush past, to cover up, to use my energy to manufacture a “nicer” feeling. And I chose not to. I chose to feel the feeling and allow congruence. To refrain from using my energy for anything other than what was.
It didn’t feel nice. But it did feel authentic. Congruent. Me.
In the following minutes and hours, my energy was freed to look after myself, to respond rather than react, and to re-establish connection from a place of grounded me-ness rather than needy am-I-enough-ness.
And so I rise again, more and more myself each time around the Circle.
May you be safe.
May you be free.
May you be well.
May you know peace.
